Dearest Shaun,
Pardon the messy structure of this note as I'm typing this at 2.10AM. You are now far away in NUS and I miss having you around.
You have been so busy with everything in life - family, school and work. Yet you miraculously found the time for me - from the planning of my 21st birthday party all the way till it ended and even for the afterparty (whatever that was).
I am thankful for you yet am so ashamed to be blind to your many hidden/behind the scenes decisions and actions. You had done so much for me to ensure the smooth running of my party, even if it put you in inconvenience and forcing you to grow out of your comfort zone to settle petty requests. I have grown used to your always-there presence (that's probably why I find myself struggling so hard now) and your silent support, and have neglected your feelings in the process. These feelings - your feelings - are important and precious to me. I am sorry for the times I had unknowingly pushed you away and made you feel under-appreciated or unimportant.
I must say my piece before I go to bed tonight, because I know there will not be a proper or good time for me to say all these during the next few days.
Thank you for all these: the preplanning stage, decision to hold my party at Evans lounge, followed up with Carmen to get my event booked, listening to my daily complaints and rantings, dealing with my overboard requests of a band and a balloon arch and helping me fulfil these wishes. Updating and managing my Facebook page for me, and sending message reminders to everyone.
Thank you for my lovely birthday present. I may not have seemed very appreciative or enthusiastic about the watch but it has grown on me and I love it more each new day. Knowing you'll be wearing a similar one fills my heart with gladness that I cannot describe.
Thank you for all these: actual day and execution - rushing down to the salon to accompany me do my hair despite being busy. Constantly reassuring me that everything will turn out well and fun, buying us a quick lunch and whizzing down to CCAB for the decorations to be done. Inflating the balloons and attempting to give them shape. Welcoming guests as they come in. Willingly taking charge of things (like the maid of honor for a wedding) and ensuring that guests arrive safely. Holding on to my phone and answering all the calls that come in, even though you do not know most of the callers. Settling minor hiccups like insufficient beverages for guests. Rallying my cousins to help with cleanup in the end, ensuring all is good and stayed till the very end (you were the last to leave the room) making sure that things were returned to its original positions. And many other things I may have missed out or am unaware of.
You had done such a great job, far surpassing what my best friends and mother had done. And you continued to ensure the smooth running of my party - all these despite you being upset with me!
And although you didn't feel too well yourself, you took it upon yourself to talk to me, send the stubborn me home, stayed till I was safe and happy, and surprising me a few other times throughout the night. I had great fun opening my presents with you, talking about things, and just sitting beside you.
Thank you for all these, you're wonderful and I just want to tell you that I love you. Not for the things you have done for me but for how you are to me. Yourself. Brutally honest and always striving for the best for us and the future.
I don't know how to end this so it may sound abrupt.
Have fun during the next few days in orientation camp, don't be afraid to let your guard down to have some fun. And finally, let us do our best academically for ourselves and our families.
Now I can rest.
With love from Carissa.
Sent via Blackberry